De-escalate

The author presents methods in detail enough for practising, with copious example dialogues.

The author highlights and describes how to practice several important skills:

We Are Emotional Beings
The Secret to De-Escalating
- Affect Labeling
- Emotions: Affect and Feeling
- Emotional Categorization
- Emotional Granularization
- Alexithymia
Three Essential Steps
- Step One: Ignore the Words
- Step Two: Guess at the Speaker's Emotional Experience
- Step Three: Reflect Back the Emotions Using Declarative "You" Statements
- What It Looks Like
Chapter Summary

De-Escalating Upset Children
- Sibling Rivalry
- Emotional Shutdown
- Lying, Denial, and Disobedience
Becoming an Empathetic Listener
- Conflicts over Technology
- A Word on Children with Special Needs
The Dangers of Emotional Invalidation
Chapter Summary

De-Escalating Unresponsive Teens
- The Sullen, Unengaged Teen
- Pushback and Resistance
- Instant Gratification
Bullying
- Listening to the Bully
Fostering Peace Circles
Chapter Summary

How to Core Message Effectively
- Step One: Listen and Ignore the Words
- Step Two: Be in Silence
- Step Three: Wait for Words or Phrases to Float into Consciousness
- Step Four: Allow a Metaphor to Come to Mind
- Step Five: Frame the Core Message Using the Metaphor
- Step Six: Reflect Back the Core Message
De-Escalating Angry and Grieving Friends
- Listening to a Frustrated Friend
- Listening to a Grief-Stricken Friend
- When Not to Listen
Listening to Insults and Disrespect
Chapter Summary

De-Escalating Intimate Relationships
- Listening to a Man's Emotions
- Listening to a Woman's Emotions
- A Word on Dating
Listening and Problem Solving with Your Partner
- Defusing Arguments and Fights
- How to Get the Other Person to Listen
De-Escalating After Divorce
- Co-Parenting
The Six Needs of Victims
- Vengeance
- Vindication
- To Be Heard
- To Create Meaning
- Safety
- Meeting the Victim's Needs
Chapter Summary

De-Escalating at Work
- How to Affect Label a Coworker
- How to Affect Label a Boss
- How to Affect Label a Subordinate
The Nature of Leadership
Chapter Summary

Developing Emotional Intelligence
- Building Your Emotional Granularity
- What Triggers You?
De-Escalating Yourself
The Transcendent State of Egolessness
Chapter Summary

De-Escalating the Classroom
Listening to Students and Parents
- Dealing with Consequences
- Listening to Angry Parents
Chapter Summary

What Are Beliefs?
Listening to Polarized People
When Families Are Divided
- Establish Some Conversational Ground Rules
- Using Peace Circles to Slow Down
Chapter Summary

Contents