Bruce Feiler. Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age. Penguin Press. 2020.

Interviews

• Christopher Lochhead, Follow Your Different, 1.5 hours
• Srini Rao, Unmistakable Creative, 1 hour

Key Take-aways

1. People's lives follow nonlinear paths
2. A Disruptor (event) interrupts a life in one of 52 ways
3. On average, the people interviewed encountered a disruptor on a 12 to 18 month interval
4. A Lifequake is a forceful burst of change that causes upheaval in a person's life
5. Lifequakes interrupt a life three to five times, or 1 in 10 Disruptors becomes a Lifequake
6. People's lives embody a primary mode (ABC) of Meaning, which relates to its Shape
7. Lifequakes change your primary ABC of Meaning and your life's Shape
8. Transitions have three parts, in any order, at least one takes a long effort: Long Goodbye, Messy Middle, New Beginning
9. Transitions from Disruptors will likely overlap through a person's life
10. Among the 200 people interviewed, seven tools emerged for dealing with transitions -- whole second half of the book
11. Reflecting on your life and updating your life story is an important part of understanding yourself

Abridged Table of Contents

Introduction: The Life Story Project - What Happens When Our Fairy Tales Go Awry

• The Story of Your Life
• How I Became a Lifestorian
• "Tell Me The Story of Your Life"
• Transitions Are Coming
• The Wolf in the Fairy Tale

The Shape of Your Life

• Farewell to the Linear Life - The End of Predictability

  • The Circle of Life
  • "Shit Was About to Get Real, Quick"
  • The Stages of Life
  • "He Said to Me, 'I Expect Great Things From You'"
  • The Linear Life
  • "It's Raining Cancer in My Life"
  • Gail Sheehy and the Delusion of Predictability

• Embracing the Nonlinear Life - What I Means to Live Life Out of Order

  • "I Feel Like the Theme of My Life Has Been Change"
  • The Butterfly Effect
  • The Deck of Disruptors
  • Love
  • Identity
  • Beliefs
  • Work
  • Body
  • The Whenever Life Shake-Up
  • How Many Disrupters Will I Face?

• Lifequakes - What Happens When the Big One Hits

  • "The Fear of Staying Was Greater Than the Fear of Leaving"
  • "Monster Curveballs"
  • "I Had This Sense of Being Let Down by the World"
  • "Bob Dylan Wrote a Bunch of Great Songs That Only Had Three Chords"
  • "Um, There Goes the House"
  • "I Was a Total Corporate Bitch"
  • How Disruptors Become Lifequakes

• The ABCs of Meaning - What Shape Is Your Lift?

  • "That's What the Communists and Jews Want Yout to Do"
  • The Meaning Movement
  • The Shapes of Our Lives
  • A Is for Agency
  • B Is for Belonging
  • C Is for Cause

• Shape-Shifting - How We Make Meaning in Times of Change

  • "So, Um, I Got Fired"
  • In a Dark Wood
  • An Autobiographical Occasion
  • Shape-Shifting
  • Lines
  • Circles
  • Stars
• Learning to Dance in the Rain - A New Model for Life Transitions
  • "I'm Going to Wrap My Fingers Around Your Neck"
  • "Since It Was My Choice, I Had to Act Like It"
  • Why Transitions Are Nonlinear
  • "At Least I Know He Will Be Safe In God's Arms"
  • "The First Thing I Did Was Drop and F-Bomb"
  • "I Was Glad I Was Sober, but What the Hell Do I Do Now?"
  • Transitions Take Longer Than You Think

Reshaping Your Life

• Accept It - Identify Your Emotions

  • "I Had Been Tumbling Down a Cliff, and Now, for the First Time, I Stopped"
  • The Moses Moment
  • The Only Thing We Have to Fear
  • Compare Down
  • Write Down
  • Buckle Down
  • Face Down
  • Hopelessness Is a Thing with Feathers
  • Resignation
  • Relationships
  • Radical Honesty
  • You on Shame
  • Agency
  • Belonging
  • Cause

• Mark It - Ritualize the Change

  • "I've Been Thinking About This for Ten Years"
  • A Light in the Window
  • Personal
  • Collective
  • Name Change
  • Cleansing
  • Death Be Not Proud
  • These Boots Were Made for Talking

• Shed It - Give Up Old Mindsets

  • "My Bullshit Was Going Out of My Backside"
  • The Lost Art of Getting Lost
  • Three Paths Through the Woods
  • Cycle
  • Quest
  • Sandbox
  • A Field Guide to Shedding

• Create It - Try New Things

  • "What I Really Enjoyed Was Exploding Paint on the Canvas"
  • The Matisse Rule: Experiment
  • The Baldwin Rule: Write
  • The Tharp Rule: Dig
  • The Feldenkrais Rule: Sweat

• Share It - Seek Wisdom from Others

  • "I Think We All Have People in Our Lives Like Mike Shane"
  • The Wisdom of Grannies
  • Comforters: "I Will Buy You a Bus Ticket, I Will Buy You a Plane Ticket"
  • Nudgers: "It Made Me Think Back on What My Dad Told Me The Day He Died"
  • Slappers: "You Don't Know What the Fuck Is Going on in Your Life"
  • Modelers: "Madonna Is the Only One Who's Been There All Along"
  • Naysayers: "My Parents Compared Me to Willy Loman"

• Launch It - Unveil Your New Self

  • "I Used the New Me to Free Lots of People Who Were Just Like the Old Me"
  • The First Normal Moment
  • The Best-Laid Plans
  • Keep It Moving
  • Open the Second Eye
  • Show Your Work
• Tell It - Compose a Fresh Story
  • "We Have to Try to Have Another Baby. Now"
  • Write the Next Chapter
  • Keep Your Distance
  • Make Pigs Fly
  • Nail the Ending

Conclusion: In Between Dreams - The Secrets of Successful Transitions

• The Meaning of Your Life
• The Theme of Your Life
  • Struggle
  • Self-Actualization
  • Service
  • Gratitude
  • Love
• Five Truths of Transitions
  1. Transitions Are Becoming More Plentiful
  2. Transitions Are Nonlinear
  3. Transitions Take Longer Than You Think (but No Longer Than You Need)
  4. Transitions Are Autobiographical Occasions
  5. Transitions Are Essential to Life
• Now I Know My ABCs
• Out of the Woods

Acknowledgements

The Life Story Interview

• The Story of Your Life
• The Key Scenes in Your Life
• Secrets of Successful Transitions
• The 5 Story Lines of Your Life
• The Future
• The Shape of Your Life

Further Reading

Sources

Index