Friend of a Friend

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David Burkus. Friend of a Friend: Understanding the Hidden Networks That Can Transform Your Life and Your Career. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Boston. 2018.

Useful reference for understanding the "infrastructure" that makes up your social network without needing to create social graphs.

You can find several podcast interviews with this author to get a feel for his discoveries about networks or you can review some of his brief video tips. Each uncovers different nuances and still covers the fundamentals.

Each chapter of the book includes a brief summary of the idea, a clear descriptive narrative, a recommended way to practice the skill and an online resource to help you solidify your ability.

We already live in networks before we "go networking" and we have little understanding of our network.

Key ideas (David writes a full chapter on each in his small 200 page book):

  • Your weak and dormant ties deliver you greatest value through otherwise invisible 'intel' about the world
  • Understanding and navigating your whole network can delivery greater success than situational networking
  • People who span the gaps between tight groups deliver greater value through brokering information between these otherwise disconnected groups
  • Oscillating between working in your silo (cluster) and reaching out to your broader network will boost your degree of success
  • Building temporary teams from your broad, loose network will boost your team's effectiveness (remixing teams from time to time matters)
  • You can carefully grow your network to become a super-connector with a massive set of connections
  • Building a valuable network becomes easier over time as new people entering the network seek out those who are connected ("preferential attachment", fascinating story about the Mona Lisa)
  • You can appear to be everywhere and highly demanded when you focus on a few of the right connections, as the most connected individuals guide the perceptions of the group
  • Seek out people different than you to reach people who differ from you and can see other perspectives to break out of homophily (we tend to like people similar to ourselves)
  • Engage in activities that draw a diverse cross-section of society to build connections naturally while tackling shared tasks which aren't networking (skip mixers rife with homophily)
  • Your strongest ties involve "multiplexity" (different types of relationships) and limiting your connections in categories can limit your opportunities for a richer life and better business